My Bizarre Gaming Achievements

December, 1992 – My brother receives a Sega CD for Christmas. I am so enthralled with the wonders of multimedia that I play the system until I get pink eye.  This provokes a year-long ban on video games during the school week.

March, 2001 – I play through the entirety of Resident Evil: Survivor. Don’t do that.

Autumn, 2004 – After investing tens of hours in the original KOTOR, I get exceptionally drunk while beating the final mission. To this day, I have no idea what happens at the end, except that it looked like a picnic with rancors.

January, 2008 – Despite a lack of any talent in the visual arts, I manage to sculpt a Commander Shepard face that looks uncannily like my own, to the point that my girlfriend (now wife) is visibly nonplussed. I later discover that she does not find any entertainment value in watching a digital version of me having sex with blue space aliens.

October, 2009 – I get all the way to the final boss of Demon’s Souls, and, like  an asshole, I waltz in with 1MM+ souls in my possession. I lose them all. A year later I finally beat the game, but only after starting over.

February, 2010 – While recovering from surgery, I play through the entire Resident Evil series in story order: Zer0, REMake, the first half of RE3, RE2 with a ClaireA/LeonB split, second half of RE3, CODE: Veronica, Dead Aim, RE4, “Separate Ways”, “Lost in Nightmares”, Degeneration, RE5, “Desperate Escape”, inter-spliced with the various vignettes of Umbrella Chronicles and Darkside Chronicles. I tried getting through Survivor again, but come on.

November, 2010 – November, 2011 –  I wrack up over 40 hours playing Fist of the North Star: Ken’s Rage.

November, 2011- August, 2012 – I play Mass Effect three times in a row. Not the game. The entire trilogy. I really like Mass Effect.


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